So it seems that WWW is constantly rebelling against the “Girl
Next Door” image that people see in her. I, on the other hand, seem to want to
embrace the “Boy Next Door” image that I want to see in myself.
Reality hits us in the middle and my subdued and understated
outlook smacks against her fondness for trying to induce shock value. And then
we are usually pretty close on the reality of the attitudes anyway.
This weekend was a great example.
We went to a Beltane party with her mischievous crowd, and
WWW played it up like it was going to be some drunk and naked free-for-all. The
reality was more frat-house than Bacchus. Sure there were some scanty
see-through outfits… and people were wandering into some of the bedrooms and
doors were being closed… but nothing too crazy.
The party was a bunch of middle-aged people acting like a bunch of horny
20somethings. No big deal, really. Although I was rather shocked at the amount of
alcohol was consumed and the subtle undertone of drugs being used.
I tried to keep some distance between WWW and myself
throughout the night. I didn’t want to be seen joined at the hip with her. I
talked to a few people, but mostly the conversations were drunken nothings. I
did sense a lot of neediness and low self-esteem though. It was rather strange,
especially since I battle with my own issues on those matters.
Perhaps some of these folks are using shock-value sexuality
to gain acceptance from others? I don’t know, but the whole event seemed like
something I’ve already experienced 20 years ago. Not my cup of tea, but nothing
I was uncomfortable with. I just keep my alcohol intake to a few glasses of
wine, politely decline the drug offers, keep my clothes on and don’t go behind
the green door and I’m ok.
Beyond the crazy party though, WWW and I seem to have hit a
stride of good communication and recognizing boundaries. It turned out to be a
beautiful and tender weekend. We spent over 50 hours straight together, as she
even stayed over Sunday night.
I am enjoying her company. The more we share, more of the “Girl
Next Door” comes out in her, and perhaps a bit of my shock-value side comes out
as well. Her softer side is very
desirable. I fear I am rather smitten with her.
++++++++++
On the house front, I am so broke and dirt poor, that I have
rented out the front room of my apartment to the guy that is going to take over
the whole place once I move into the house. This guy has just moved into town,
and is friends with the landlord. Easy going fellow, I took a liking to him
instantly.
I have a cousin that is a sweet, good girl, but she loved the shock value and was frequently totally out of control. Often to the point of embarrassment. It wasn't until she found a great guy that she really loved and felt safe with that she could abandon all that bad behavior and just be authentic. She is still a lot of fun and can hang with the best, but she is much more real. All that to say I think you hit the nail on the head when you mention insecurities. WWW may just be needing something safe and real.
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