I had decided to lighten the f@#$ up on my interactions with WWW….with some
interesting results and observations.
Most of our misunderstood situations that make each of us
prickly towards each other seem to start at the end of some of our extremely
long dates. The longer our dates became,
the more comfortable we each started to feel. With that comfort, we divulged a
bit deeper and more intimate revelations about ourselves…. And that is the precise
moment we start to misinterpret each other’s words. We are now trying to take a
deep breath, and ask more specific questions before freaking out. It seems to have worked, and we are realizing
we are WAY more similar than first glance. And most of the things I’ve freaked
out about were complete misunderstandings and we actually agree on the issue.
Those amazing characteristics in WWW that I was originally
drawn to are shining a bit brighter.
All I’m saying is this has some potential and I should
experience this.
We have even talked about making appointments at Planned
Parenthood for the full STD testing…. yeah crazy, right?
I’m really glad I’ve lightened up and started listening and
communicating better with her. I’m sure we will still have some
misunderstandings, but we have established some firm ground on how to talk
about it.
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The house is looking great, and getting closer to the finish
line. There are kitchen cabinets going in upstairs and downstairs. The paint
(No VOC) is on the walls. There is still
concrete to pour outside, but the framing is done. I’m still broke, and the bank had to call last
Friday to let me know there were insufficient funds to cover some of
substantial checks there were being cashed. I transferred more out of my
retirement saving to cover, but even that account is almost empty. You only live once, right?
Over some drinks at Happy Hour, I stood my ground and cut off all future physical contact. We will work on a platonic friendship. Neither one of us feels we are done with each other, so we will see what happens.
It was incredibly touching and sweet while it lasted. My boundaries were pushed, and I felt some of my edges….geeze, are they sharp, and I fear that WWW brushed against those sharp edges fairly hard also.
I admit I am a bit conservative, with a touch of a carefully hidden Freak Flag…. while WWW seems to have her Freaky Deaky Flag waving high and proud, with a carefully hidden conservative streak. She is a wonderful and beautiful woman with a huge heart.
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I don’t like this pattern I see myself falling into. Life has become so serious since the death of my wife. Everything must have “meaning”… It’s no wonder that I escape to the dance floor with a big, goofy grin on my face…it’s just a little amount of time when life is light and airy. There are no worries or cares on the dance floor. WWW has told me I have a “Penchant for the Dramatic”… and she is unfortunately correct. I need to figure out how to cut myself some slack, and recognize that my life is good, and that I have goodness to share.
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So where to now? The house is having lots of painting done on the inside, and we are still waiting for better weather to pour the remaining concrete. I won’t be spending much time around the house this week with the paint fumes.
On Friday night, I went to see the movie “Pina” with Superbowl woman. The more time I spend with her, the more I realize it is just a physical attraction, and her personality and mine would not be compatible in a more intimate setting. She is an awesome friend though. And I intend to strengthen that friendship.
On Friday I ended up spending about 7 hours with Woo Woo Woman (WWW?). About 5 hours of that was full of deep conversation. I really liked it. Although she may be more subdued than the women I am usually attracted to (with disastrous results) we are very evenly matched. Our relationship lifestyles are quite different though………….I have a rather puritanical view of sexuality and monogamous relationships, while she is a lot more fluid without as many rules. In many respects, I admire this attitude.
Regardless, it was a great talk, and then we met some of my friends for karaoke. The friends were actually Superbowl woman and her ex-boyfriend who is moving back into town. I had never sung in front of these friends before, and I think they were pleasantly surprised. They are both accomplished musicians.
At the end of the night, I dropped WWW off at her place with a few tender kisses good night. We planned to meet Sunday morning at our regular dance. It was quite nice bouncing around the room, meeting friends, and sweating out the whiskey of the karaoke night. WWW and I kept moving back and forth into dances with each other and at towards the end of the dance, we did some contact improv that ended up with us rolling around on the floor. The first time we have done that, actually. The most full contact our bodies have experienced together. It was nice.
Afterward, she invited me out for Dim Sum with some of the her friends . Including one gentleman that is her Ex…or current…. I’m not exactly clear on that. I will need to ask her more about that. I do know that he is married in an open relationship, so his wife is aware of WWW. With my more puritan view on this sort of thing….I just don’t know if this is the sort of “Boundary Pushing Experiences” that I am looking for.
It was interesting to meet this guy though. He is quite the opposite from me. Tall, testosterone filled, muscled, loud and assertive, slightly overbearing… A regular dude’s dude. Nice enough guy, certainly good looking, but I wouldn’t share a beer with him.
After the Dim Sum, they all made plans to go soak in a hot tub and asked me to join. I didn’t have any plans for the afternoon, but declined anyway. Not that I can’t get into a hot tub naked with people, I’m usually very ok with that. It just seemed like I was being vetted by the lunch group. And while I am usually comfortable being naked, I wouldn’t be comfortable with WWW. For some strange reason, if we are to enter into some type of physical relationship, I'd rather approach our bodies alone first.
Like I said, I admire some of this open attitude towards intimate relationships. It’s a little bit like non-monogamous dating. But there seems to be some intimate mischievousness that I may not be ok with. On the other hand, perhaps it is exactly what I need to experience to change my view of relationships from being a devoted husband to light-hearted dating. After all, some people view serial monogamy as not a healthy thing, referring to it as Male Compromise Theory.
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And on the house front, I have a friend coming over tonight to check out my water run-off problem. She is an expert on ground water management.
I went on a buying spree for building materials last night. Gathered up enough materials to generate a bill that equals three and one-half months’ worth of take home pay. I was nauseous as we went over the list. The funny thing is, we didn’t end up buying any of it. My General Contractor didn’t get the price break he wanted, so we walked out of the store. Apparently these stores will wheel and deal a lot more with the contractors. But we did get a full list of items we need, and I got a taste of what it will really cost when we pull the trigger on buying all of it. The list didn’t include any appliances, and I am going to order kitchen cabinets today that will cost about 1.5 months’ worth of salary. Wow. Nice cabinets though!
I’ve gotten past the point of freaking out about the cost. I will be (already am) broke, but I won’t need to do anything more to the house except general upkeep. I’m also splurging on the initially expensive high-efficiency LED lighting so my utility cost should stay fairly low. I still think I’ve done the right decision on the house.
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I wasn’t able to make it to my regular Wednesday night dance class last night, and I really missed it. They have Ecstatic Dance in most major cities in North America. Sometimes it is called Soul Motion Dance. Usually the dances are held in yoga studios as they have nice open floors and usually a sound system. I’ve often thought how much fun it would be to travel the countryside in an RV and rent space in dance studios, grange halls, or old ballrooms to hold a dance in some small town. All it takes is 5-6 people, a decent speaker system, and my laptop pre-loaded with the music. I could easily imagine a modest cover charge that would pay the space rental cost. It would have to be pretty small towns though. A quick Google search for “ecstatic dance”, “soul motion” or “5rhythms” will probably bring up something near you.
What I find interesting about these dances, is the kind of people that go to them. I have met doctors and construction workers. I have met a nationally ranked Mixed Martial Arts Fighter. I met an older man with crippled legs that danced on crutches. I’ve met young families with small children that run around interacting with everyone. And you know something? It is also interesting in who I Don’t meet at these events. There seems to be a self-regulating process that weeds out the people that don’t have good intentions at the dance. These people may come once, but they seldom come back until they are ready to interact with the other dancers with respect. I find it amazing.
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I have another date with The Woo Woo woman tonight. I seem to be drawn towards her quietness. It’s different than the quietness of Blind Date woman.
I also don’t think Woo Woo is actually looking for “a relationship” in the standard sense. I get the impression she would like to hang out with me, but she would also want the freedom and space to hang out with whomever she pleases. This might be another good transition for me.
On Friday night I went to a special Contact Improv Dance Jam at a different studio that I have never been to before. It was very strange. When I first got there, I was the youngest person in the room. I was happy though, to recognize a few faces from some of the other dance activities I frequent.
The facilitator then had us sit in a circle and handed out blindfolds. Yup, blindfolds. It was voluntary to wear them, but since I was in for a penny, I went in for a pound and wore the blindfold. I was a bit creeped out for the first 20-30 minutes. The improv dance was nothing like what I had previously experienced. I was used to standing up, meeting a fellow dancer with eye contact to gauge approachability, keeping some distance for a few minutes as we moved together, and perhaps moving closer as we both agree to the terms of the dance.
With blindfolds on, we stayed on the ground, with a strange random slow feeling and rolling around action. It was rather like a bunch of horny old people indiscriminately groping each other. I wasn’t actually groped or fondled in inappropriate areas, but the “feeling” of it was quite strong, especially in the first 20 minutes or so. Several times a got on my knees in Child’s Pose and just pushed myself backwards out of the circle to give myself some space. The facilitator was really great in checking in with me to gauge my comfortability level.
Once I eased myself into it, and let go of some fears, it was actually quite nice. And it was quite sensual as I rolled around on the floor with a rather sexy woman maybe five years my senior. It’s difficult to guess though, as I look about 10 years younger than I actually am. I accidentally took home the blindfold, so I need to go back again…. You know…. Just to return the blindfold.
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And If I thought Friday night was strange…….
After a nice breakfast with my hiking partner and picking out paint samples for the house, I met with a fellow dancer friend for coffee. She invited me to a party later that night, and since she lives so far out of town, we decided to hang out early.
The party. It was quite crazy. It was a dress-up party with an Alice in Wonderland theme. I got the memo late that it was a dress up party, so I went as a character from before Alice went into the looking glass and down the rabbit hole…. Just normal street clothes.
There were many people from the dance community here. I recognized more than a dozen faces….people I have danced with, but never actually spoken to. It was really fun, and making new connections has been one of my goals this year. It was great to put some names and voices to faces. The crowd itself is very warm and welcoming, although perhaps a bit higher on the woo woo and Burning Man scale than I normally would hang out with.
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Sunday morning found me at my regular dance class, along with many of the people from Friday and Saturday night. The good morning Hello’s were more frequent, the hugs a little warmer. It was very nice.
They played the Brother Iz song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" during the dance. As soon as the opening notes were strummed on the ukulele, the emotion was too great. I had to leave the room. I sat in the foyer listening to the music, and hearing the hundreds of voices singing along. We played this song at my wife's memorial service. The name of the album this song is on is called "Facing Future". It was one of her favorite albums the last year of her life.
And at the end of the dance, a fellow dancer invited me to a new Men’s Group that was having its second meeting on Monday night. Of course I said I would go.
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I had already arranged to take Monday off work so I could get some building materials and design decisions made on the house. Found some awesome discontinued tile for only $0.38 per square foot. Enough to tile quite a bit of the basement. The day went by too quickly but I am feeling better about the house.
Yes, the house is bleeding me dry, but it will look great and I will be able to get roommates in pretty quickly after it is finished. I think I have made peace with the process…at least this week.
Monday night arrived it was time to head to the address listed for the Men’s Group. I wasn’t sure what to expect. The group lists over 45 members. When I got there, I was the only the 3rd person to show up. There eventually were 8 men.
The meeting went well enough, for strangers getting to know each other. The facilitator kept things moving well, and there were great topics that were brought up. I will be going back again.
My life is good, and I should be good with that.
Israel "IZ" Kaʻanoʻi Kamakawiwoʻole "Over the Rainbow" and "What a Wonderful World"
There is no change in the situation. The downward spiral continues.
I am feeling overwhelmed at all of the past costs of this home remodel, and the future costs still needed to pay out. The previous luxury of having roommates to pay extra on the mortgage will now be a necessity. I would like to call it massive Scope Creep on this project, but the mold in the house required all of these additional costs. My original goal of trying to make a self-sufficient lifestyle has now degenerated into a consumer-driven, mortgage-laden, privacy-stealing chain around my neck.
Since my brother is doing all of the work with his crew, I am getting a screaming deal on labor costs, but it still costs money, and the materials are expensive. Paying rent on the apartment, the mortgage payments, utilities …… I’m broke and the credit will run out all too soon if I am not careful.
I just need to plow through all of these upgrades and everything will be fine, but for right now, I am not feeling very good about the decision to buy this house. I am contemplating cashing in a frozen retirement account and taking the large hit in taxes so I can put it directly onto the mortgage. Using a mortgage calculator, the money I would save on interest would more than make up for the taxes lost. This is an account I need to deal with anyway, as it is my wife’s profit sharing account from her old company.
The rest of my life is suffering as well. I have the same dishes in the sink for 2 weeks, my laundry basket has been full and I am out of clean clothes. The mail has been piling up and bills need to be paid. When I do have free time, I curl up in bed and try to sleep with my mind racing.
This too shall pass.
Title from the poem Ozymandias by Percy Bysshe Shelley
Yup, did some Karaoke on Friday night. Had three shots of Bulleit whiskey, too. Good stuff.
Maybe that’s the reason for my song choices. Two of my over-sung standards and one cheese-ball tune that my friend wanted me to sing:
Respect- Aretha Franklin
Vehicle- Ides of March
I’m Not in Love- 10cc
The friend I went with chose the 10cc tune. It was quite fun to sing, and those 70’s songwriters really knew how to craft a story. But what a downer song for the crowd. Not exactly the kind of upbeat song most people want to sing at midnight.
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I don’t usually drink that much, and the shots were an extremely generous pour…So I was not at 100% when I reported to duty on Saturday morning. My job was to help transport and set up music equipment, speakers and microphones and such. It was a volunteer gig for a friend’s band. There was a community event to plant trees all over the neighborhood and they volunteers all came back for lunch and live music. It was a fun time.
The pressure of the house is getting to me, so I wanted to move things along. I enlisted the help of my friend with the good fashion sense (of the Vintage Store Owner fame) and we went IKEA to look at their offerings. They have many styles to choose from, and I know for sure a couple of things. The first being….I don’t want IKEA kitchen cabinets.
I also know I do not ever want to eat there again. I had a spinach and cheese crepe, and for only $1 more I added five meatballs….with gravy! And some type of lingonberry drink. I was then talked into dessert. Some type of apple pie/cake that wasn’t very tasty. I was not feeling well the remainder of the day.
I went home and crawled in bed, feeling sorry for myself on this fine mess of a house that I’ve gotten myself into.
I know it will all come together eventually, but I am quickly going broke and there is long way to go, and a short time to get there.
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I skipped my Sunday morning dance so I could have brunch with my hiking partner and his wife. It was a great time, and we had great conversation. I showed them the house and we commiserated on the amount of work that needs to be done as they have just completed a major remodel of their home. I picked her brain on kitchen cabinets, as they had a great remodel. I think the cost would be too much for me though. They spent an extremely large amount of money, but it sure looks nice.
I went back home and crawled in bed again. The house is really getting to me. The work is slowing down this week because my brother has an actual paying commercial job that he started today that his main crew needs to work at. I am afraid this will drag slowly on for another couple of months.
My mind was racing all evening, and I couldn’t get to sleep. The last time I looked at the clock it was 2:30 am and I was still wide awake with a screaming brain. My alarm goes off at 5:15.
Last night, I went out for dinner with the woman that asked me out last weekend. We have many mutual friends, so it was a nice and easy conversation. We had a great time, checked each other out, and went on our separate ways. A nice friend connection was made, and the next time we see each other at dance or parties, the hug hello will be a bit warmer.
I need to make more connections like that. No romantic connection needed, but the experience of sharing and getting to know someone with comfortable ease.
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On the house front, the carport has been removed, the basement floor has been jackhammered open to expose sewer piping, and everything is partially done, but nothing is near completion. The crew was really fast and good at the demolition, but things have slowed way down with putting the house back together. I know this is normal, but still a bit unnerving to me.
The time is near to find some kitchen cabinet styles I like, and also pick out some paint colors for the exterior.
For the exterior paint, I’m thinking of a dusty sage green with warm white trim. Classic look with just a bit of flair. The kitchen cabinets are giving me a headache. I have no idea what to get for this very small 1920’s home. I’m going to IKEA on Sunday for some style inspiration.
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First things first though, it’s the weekend and time to have fun. Heading out for some karaoke tonight with a really groovy friend that I don’t get to see that often. We have never done karaoke together before, so it will be fun to experience her music choices.
Saturday I am helping some musician friends pack up their gear for an afternoon gathering. It’s some type of tree planting event so there should be lots of fun to be had. I suppose I should read up about the event so I know what to expect. I’m just there to help the band set up and tear down.
I’m starting to feel better about the house remodel.
We are replacing all of the gray water drainage pipes in the house. The existing pipes were almost plugged with disgusting sludge because the pipes were installed without enough slope to let liquid drain properly. The basement walls have one coat of DryLok paint on them, and soon will have another. We see that water is still leaking into the basement though. We need to concentrate on the outside ground before we frame anything in the basement.
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I have a date on Thursday. A woman that I dance with came up to me the other day and asked me for a date. I said yes, and we will have a nice meal at one of my favorite Vietnamese restaurants that serves traditional “street vendor style” food. I have met this woman once before, at a friend’s birthday party. She actually has been around my new circle of friends for a very long time, and I have just never connected with her at any of the large gatherings.
She might be a bit woo woo for me, but a friendly date that could turn into a nice friendship is not unwelcome.
My new goal for myself though, is to go on a date with someone that I have approached, not with someone that has approached me, or a blind date. The few women I have been on dates with since my wife died have all approached me in some form or another. I really feel that ecstatic dance, and the contact improvisation dance jam, is helping me get the self-esteem and self-worth to encourage myself to be bold.
There is a woman at the contact improv that I would like to ask out on a date. I found out she has a child, so I automatically wanted to remove her from the dating pool. That’s just another excuse I can tell myself instead of gathering the courage to ask her out. It’s just a date, not a wedding proposal.
You Can Dance... For Inspiration - first line from Madonna's song "Into the Groove"
Decision has been made. I am tearing out the entire basement. All of the walls we opened had significant mold problems. We are even tearing out the shower and kitchen area. All of the bamboo flooring has been removed. We will be rearranging the configuration, so all of the tile will need to be removed also. I can’t afford any of this work, but it needs to be done.
It appears the problem was created by a couple of things. The ground outside the house is not draining away from the foundation properly. Some slope grading and drainage options will take care of that problem. The basement walls were never sealed or even painted. The framing and heavy duty insulation did not allow any moisture to evaporate.
On the bright side, the heater works great, the siding is about halfway done and looks beautiful, and …and….and…..I’m forcing a smile on my face because it will all work out fine
On the fun side, I’m having breakfast tomorrow with my friend who owns a vintage clothing store. He is encouraging me to “Use The Gay” (his words) for interior design ideas. I think I will drag him (no pun intended) downstairs to check out the space since. Now is the time we can completely rearrange the walls so input would be greatly appreciated.
Yes, I’m stereotyping my friend, but all in good fun, and he really does have a great eye for fashion and architecture. He was/is a graphic designer and photographer in another life on top of owning the vintage store.
The main water pipe coming into the house had a slow leak right at the foundation, keeping everything wet, but not enough leaking enough to noticeably see it through the sheetrock or flooring. We found it only because I wanted a whole house water filter installed. We’ve ripped out one room of the basement already, and will open up a few more walls.
The concrete foundation is solid and looks good. We think the mold problem is a result of how the basement was framed in. They used 2X6 boards right up against the concrete, with heavy duty insulating foam board tightly glued to the wall and packed between the studs . We think they sealed it up too air-tight so there was nowhere for the normal moisture and humidity to go from the concrete foundation wall.
We may rip out all of the 2X6 boards and replace with metal studs and standard insulation held away from the wall for some breathing space, after we seal the wall.
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Last night, I went to a “contact” style of dance. It was very physical and challenging. My body is very sore today. The gist of it is you lean into a partner as they lean into you, moving gently with the flow.
We touch shoulders and just leaned in, each slowly moving in opposite circles like two cogs in a machine. We locked arms and leaned back as a matter of trust. We rolled on the floor, putting our full weight on each other. There was pseudo leg wrestling. There were human pyramids. There were simple gymnastic and acrobatic moves against each other.
It was kind of like slow motion wrestling, but without the aggression of trying to “win” anything or end up in any particular position.
The dance was filled with men and women, with no distinction for a dance partner. I did find the movement with other men was a bit harder and physical, gently testing each other’s strength and balance constantly. Dancing with the women was much slower and smoother, sensual without being sexual. At times there were three or four people moving together in a big pile. At one point a woman that was well into her 60’s laid on her back as her feet balanced my hips, and her arms supported my shoulders….I floated in the air supported by her strength. Amazing feeling of floating and letting go.
Why am I doing something like this? Because I long for touch. I long for connection. The dance builds my confidence, raises my self-esteem, allows me to see myself as a beautiful and desirable human being.
Dinner with the organizer of the young widows and widowers dinner group went better than expected. We talked a lot about how very different we are now, since our partners died. Almost unrecognizable in the difference. Validation with each other that our lives are indeed moving forward. Guilt and awe, realizing our spouses would be shocked at how much we have changed. And also that horrifying realization that we would be hard pressed to fit back into that life. It's a difficult thing to admit that life is good. Life is happy.
There is still that dark hole deep in my soul, but the screaming mournfulness has subsided into gentle sadness of beautiful memories.
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Half of the siding has been torn off the house, and there is some good looking wood underneath. The insulation that was blown in has turned out not to be the expanding foam, but rather loose-fill fiber. No surprises yet, and everything so far is very smooth.
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Ecstatic Dance was again a beautiful thing last night. I found myself open to people and afterwards I stuck around to socialize a bit. There was even an offer to get some food, and I joined them. The interesting part is during the meal, I reverted back to my very quiet and reserved self. I didn't speak much, but listened intently. I was the newcomer in the midst of a group of old friends, so I don't think my quietness was noticed much.
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I had a massage tonight, and my massage therapist vocalized about how much weight I've lost. I hadn't really noticed it myself, but after I got off the table, I stood in front of the mirror and looked at my unclothed body. My stomach is noticeably smaller, and the double chin action is not quite so pronounced!
And I finally have heat in the new house. The hot water heater heats up to about 150 degrees for the heating coils, and then the hot water is tempered down to a cooler temperature before it reaches the shower or sinks.
Once the entire inside work is done, I will have all of the duct work cleaned. It should cost between $400 -$600 for a certified NADCA (National Air Duct Cleaners Association) job. There are giant wads of dog hair in the vents and duct work.
I took some good advice, and moved some kitchen stuff and books into the house. It felt non-threatening and ok!
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Met two of the neighbors, and got the low-down on the mold. Seems the upstairs kitchen sink leaked for months at a time and soaked the basement wall on the south side of the building. The sink no longer leaks and I will keep an eye on it.
The outside ground on the south side of the building slopes toward the house. A nice French Drain would work wonders in moving water away from the house during the rainy season.
The neighbor gave me a printout of a mold inspector and a DVD. The DVD didn’t have any pictures of mold, but it did have a very nice video of a sewer drain inspection from 2007. It looked great! The mold report listed some high indoor air particles… but I am still convinced that with proper water control, humidity monitoring, and general cleaning (I just found old mouse droppings in a cabinet dead space) I won’t have any problems. I might not move myself into the basement right away, but I don’t expect any difficulties once I do.
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Went out to dinner with Super Bowl Woman, and re-established some boundaries. We spent most of the dinner talking about website dating. It was quite fun, and I think we are building our existing friendship to a stronger place. We will definitely hang out again. And I also confirmed for myself that her intensity, while great for a friendship, would be a challenge for me.
But let’s face it. Half my problem is I’m just plain old horny. The great thing about that is Ecstatic Dance and Massage can at least give me Touch from another person. Sometimes we just need a hug.
Norman Cook, aka FatBoy Slim, FreakPower, Beats International, The Housemartins,Brighton Port Authority
I started this blog with the intention of downsizing and buying a large van or small RV. With the final intention of downsizing to only a vehicle. Along the way I found that I really need a strong sense of home. I want to travel, but only in short spurts with a home waiting for me.
I haven’t given up my dream of travel, I’ve just modified it.
So here I am, with another 30 year mortgage, hoping I can pay it off in 10 years. The house is already costing me more than I want to spend, but if I get things done right the first time, I should have minimal upkeep as the years go by.
I struggle with the need to have this materialistic home. My wife and I had a beautiful ranch style home in the suburbs on a 1/3 acre lot, with a 5 acre wooded area against our back fence. There would be deer and raccoons that would come into the yard to drink water from our in-ground swimming pool. There were summer BBQ’s and swim parties. There were dinner parties and get-togethers. My wife was the organizer and the glue that held our circle together.
I would like to bring some of that back into my life with this house. Minus the swimming pool. Those things are a real bummer to keep clean. The new house has a hot tub and that will be more than enough work for me, thank you.
Friends over for dinner, around a backyard fire pit. I miss that. And I can have that again, with new friends and new traditions.
Moving through this new doorway, open to new situations.
The HVAC guy came out to the house this morning. Seems I have an extra strength water heater that pumps water into coils that a blower then moves the air. The technician seemed to think it was a pretty nice setup, and apparently it is a very cost effective way to heat smaller homes. I will need to do more research on it.
The bad news is, there is a broken part on unit, and of course it is a special order piece. I won’t have heat until middle of next week.
I did find an incredible amount of dog hair and dust completely clogging the air filters though. It looks like the previous owners never cleaned the filters. At all. No wonder they were always sick. I’m going to have all of the duct work cleaned out.
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The house currently has cedar lap siding. Very nice and expensive stuff. But the south side of the house needs extensive work, and the entire house has 2 inch holes drilled between the studs where they sprayed in expanding foam for insulation. The cost of replacing the south side of the house will be expensive.
I am thinking of tearing off ALL of the cedar siding, and replacing it with a Tyvek wrap and Hardi-plank. And putting some better insulation in the walls instead of little squirts of expanding foam that may or may not have covered the entire wall.
And if I do the siding, the roof will be re-done as well.
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I am also getting an estimate from a custom cabinet finisher to re-build some of the built-ins. The picture below shows the closet in the main bedroom. The closet in the second bedroom at one point in time probably looked exactly the same. The second bedroom has these horrible 70’s 3-piece sliders installed where the doors and mirror used to be. It would be great if I could get it to match the main bedroom.
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It’s not all about the house though. I will be going to my regular ecstatic dance tonight.
I’ve also downloaded a phone app that will help me track where my money goes. I originally wanted it just for purchases related to the house, but I’ve added a column for Food and another for Entertainment. I think I will be shocked at the monthly food outlay.
My realtor called me yesterday afternoon. The Big Gubment financial institution Freddie Mac is about a week ahead of schedule, and they signed off on all of the paperwork.
I now have the keys in my hot little hand.
Now comes the mad rush to get all the utilities lined up.
I signed my life away yesterday for the new house. Normally when you sign you also get the keys, or at least that is how I remember it. Since this house was a foreclosed government owned home, I won’t get keys for another 3-4 business days. The great news is, I wasn’t really expecting keys until mid-February, so this is early!
I move really slow, so by the time I get all the repairs done, and finally move everything in, it might be late March.
First things first, I need to schedule the furnace and hot water heater people to come out and explain the crazy setup. I want to at least get an estimate from the alarm company to upgrade and activate the alarm system, not sure if I will actually activate the system.
Appliance shopping is early on the list as well.
But I don’t want to even make a phone call until I get the signed paperwork and the keys in my hand.
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A friend of mine is trying to hold private Spanish language lessons in his front room. The first class was last night. Out of 6 people, I was the only one that didn’t already have conversational Spanish. Me llamo Isherwood Wildwalker ¿Y tú?
I don’t know if I will continue the classes, but it was kinda fun. I don’t have any passion for learning it though, I really only went to be supportive of my friend’s desire to teach it to us.
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Going to another gig with my friend’s ukulele band Friday night. This is their first paying gig with an actual cover charge!
And another 40th birthday party Saturday night. This could be an interesting party. I might only know a couple of people. This will be a good test to see if I can talk to single women without automatically putting up a wall. I know it sounds cliché, but I should try to actually work to get a phone number of someone I feel interested in.
Since I’ve started dating again after my wife died, my latest M.O. is not to engage women that I find interesting, but rather sit and wait until women find ME interesting enough to pursue. That needs to change. I need to make the effort to seek out interesting people.
Yes, I realize my post from yesterday had some activities that might be frowned upon at that young of an age. Just to be clear, I don’t condone that type of behavior nowadays. The teenagers of the 1970’s experienced a wild time that was pre-HIV, pre-meth, and pro-disco.
And rest assured, my childhood did not include a steady diet of worldliness. If anything, I am grateful to be exposed to those things at an early age in a relatively safe environment. When the pressure from my school friends came around to try things a few years later, I already knew the effect things would have on me. I chose not to succumb to peer pressure and could easily divert myself into other situations, or limit my intake to a nominal amount. At parties, I can still nurse a shot of whiskey for well over an hour thanks to my youth.
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The house loan documents have been approved, we are now just waiting for the appointment to sign the closing papers. The house is a foreclosed Freddie Mac home, so it could take another couple of weeks.
The house is basically move-in ready if I am ok with the funky 60’s kitchen upstairs. It would be nice to re-do the kitchen and add a dishwasher and garbage disposal.
I suppose the roof can wait until spring.
I already have a few people interested in checking out the place and perhaps moving in. It would be great to have good quality friends move in. The friendship would either grow tighter, or end in a ball of flame.
I have a coworker who has earned his Falcon Scout Junior Over-Achievement Badge in Paranormal Ghost Whispering and he wants to check out my new house before I move anything in. He wants to check the place out for things like EVP(Electronic voice phenomenon) and other Ghost type stuff.
He wants to spend the night in the house with a couple of other people to do a full spectrum analysis of the home. I’m game. As long as it involves pizza and beer, it could be really interesting.
Maybe I could invite one of my hippie earth-mamma friends to burn some sage for a Smudge Ceremony.
Sounds like fun, eh?
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The paperwork is still moving forward. The appraisal came in at a good number for the mortgage company. This could move faster than expected, and I might have the keys to the house in hand in just a few weeks. Now that it is much more official, I’ve started telling friends about the move. Lots of great encouragement from them.
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I need to start doing research on four major appliances. A stackable Washer/Dryer, portable dishwasher, and a refrigerator are all needed in the house. The basement kitchen has a fridge, so that could wait. The portable dishwasher could probably wait as well. But if I am going to do it….. I want to get it all purchased and delivered at the same time. That could be a boat load of money.
It’s funny how life changes so quickly. I started this blog with the intent to document my progress towards fulfilling a dream of travelling and living in a large van or small motorhome. I now find myself in the midst of buying a house, effectively tying me down to a location.
My dream of travel hasn’t left me, rather I feel it is being solidified. If I can stick with my plan of finding roommates for 4-5 years, I can catapult my travel/retirement plans onto a fast track. If I am honest with myself, I would only want to travel for a year or two and then come back to a home. With this plan, I could have a home that is sustainable with no input from me, and I could look into taking month-long unpaid sabbaticals from my job. I say unpaid because my company is notoriously tight on paid vacation time.
If my life takes another turn and I find a life partner that I want to share my living space with, I have a wonderful home to either share, or move out of completely to rent it out. And if life were to really throw me for a crazy loop, there is space in this home to raise a family. Speaking of, I keep battling with myself about going to the doctor and getting that whole family option taken care of. I am 44 years old, and I really don’t need to start a family with anybody.
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I am anxious to get into the house. It will probably be another 3-4 weeks before final document signing and I get the keys.
I’m not very technically savvy about all this blogging stuff, but I want to set up a picture storage situation. I suppose Google Picassa work, that’s where blogger stores pictures anyways?
