Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Look Upon my Works, ye Mighty, and Despair

There is no change in the situation. The downward spiral continues.

I am feeling overwhelmed at all of the past costs of this home remodel, and the future costs still needed to pay out. The previous luxury of having roommates to pay extra on the mortgage will now be a necessity. I would like to call it massive Scope Creep on this project, but the mold in the house required all of these additional costs. My original goal of trying to make a self-sufficient lifestyle has now degenerated into a consumer-driven, mortgage-laden, privacy-stealing chain around my neck.

Since my brother is doing all of the work with his crew, I am getting a screaming deal on labor costs, but it still costs money, and the materials are expensive. Paying rent on the apartment, the mortgage payments, utilities …… I’m broke and the credit will run out all too soon if I am not careful.

I just need to plow through all of these upgrades and everything will be fine, but for right now, I am not feeling very good about the decision to buy this house. I am contemplating cashing in a frozen retirement account and taking the large hit in taxes so I can put it directly onto the mortgage. Using a mortgage calculator, the money I would save on interest would more than make up for the taxes lost.  This is an account I need to deal with anyway, as it is my wife’s profit sharing account from her old company.

The rest of my life is suffering as well. I have the same dishes in the sink for 2 weeks, my laundry basket has been full and I am out of clean clothes. The mail has been piling up and bills need to be paid. When I do have free time, I curl up in bed and try to sleep with my mind racing.

This too shall pass.

Title from the poem Ozymandias by Percy Bysshe Shelley


  1. I think buyer's remorse is included on one of the forms you signed at closing. It's universal. The whole process stretches you so thin you think you might snap.

    If it's a 401(k), be sure to turn it into an IRA before cashing out. In my case, it turned the hit from 20% to 10%. However, never take financial advice from a duck.

    You know how to deal with nascent depression, I'm sure. Don't think about all you must do. Just say "I'm going to wash my coffee mug, and that's all." Then, do it. If you feel like washing two coffee mugs then, by all means, do it. That's just gravy, and you're good for two mornings.

  2. exactly, Roxanne... one cup at a time. Then just keep one cup, one plate, one spoon, one fork, one glass, one bowl, one knife clean. go to Kroger and get stuff to nuke in its own bowl - use paper towels ... get out of the apartment and live in a corner of your house...

    It can be kind of cozy while all around you is chaos ... get a box fan for white noise - stock the fridge with ice cream and root beer. root beer floats are great for whatever's happening.

    AND ... repeat the Serenity Prayer ... constantly..

    God grant me the Serenity to ACCEPT the things I can NOT change...
    The courage to change the things I can
    The WISDOM to know the difference...

    One more nugget.. lol... as Will Rogers said...

    When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.

  3. Or, when you are going through hell, keep going. My husband and our cats spent 13 months in a garage apartment while our ancient money pit was brought up to current century. It is rough stuff and the economy just about took my husbands architecture business out during those 13 months. He wasn't getting paid and was laying off one employee after another all the while. Painful, but God held us in the palm of his hand and we came out the other side. In debt which is no fun, but we can steady pay it down and that feels good. You WILL make it out the other side. You will!-T.

  4. This too shall pass, and that is surely a PASS. As we pass through time, we come to face these situations, but life offers myriad pleasantness as well. And, that too you shall come by:).