Monday, March 5, 2012

A Small Stone Marker.

We decided on a stone color called “Elite Green”

A simple stone marker with her name and years of birth and death. A simple rose on one side.

Her ashes will be placed near her father,  grandfather and grandmother, and many other family members.

Many in the direct lineage never reached 45 years old in this family. With the death of my wife, and no children between us, this is the end for this strain of EDS for this family.  My wife’s brother did not inherit the disease, and he has not passed it his daughter.

The funeral director in this small town grew up with my wife’s father, and it was a joy to hear some old stories of his wild youth. It’s always a treat for my wife’s brother to hear about his father.


My father-in-law had asked me to bring my wife’s ashes on Saturday, just in case the funeral home wanted them right away. They didn’t.  I had already prepared my in-laws that I didn’t want to bring the ashes back home with me. My mother-in-law understood, and they took the ashes home with them. I think it will be good for them both to sit with the ashes for the next month while the marker stone is being cut.


I spent the next few hours with just my brother-in-law. Sitting in his garage. It can be extremely hard for me to talk with him sometimes. I see and hear my wife in so many of his facial expressions, thought processes, speech patterns……..


I woke up on Sunday morning and went to my normal ecstatic dance. I was overcome with grief when I realized this was the first morning I had woken up without my wife in the house. I realize we are just talking about ashes, but the significance was almost unbearable.

I feel rather numb since Sunday morning


  1. I posted this quote on my FB page recently:

    In the end
    these things matter most:
    How well did you love?
    How fully did you live?
    How deeply did you let go?

    ~Siddhartha Gautama