Monday, April 9, 2012

Just remember that death is not the end

Saturday we buried some ashes. It was harder than I thought it was going to be. I got home by 6:00 PM and went straight to bed, and didn’t wake up until 7:00 AM Sunday morning.

It seemed so final, staring at this giant hunk of granite with my wife’s name on it. There is no comfort in a “hereafter”.  There is no comfort from a “higher power”.  There is only a very heavy and cold chunk of highly polished granite in my heart.

I hurt.

I can also understand why some widowers go crazy with hedonistic and nihilist thoughts and actions. Why bother trying to live the good life? Screw it, and get as much as you can grab... we’ll all be dead soon enough anyway.

But rational thought slowly takes over. The community comes out to greet me, lift me up….

And life is relentless in its slow march. Persistent. Hopeful with each Spring day.

Ecclesiastes 1:4
One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever.

My hiking partner and his wife took me up a mountain for Easter Sunday. It was a hard climb. We followed a mountain ridge straight up with very few switchbacks. My body screamed in pain to match my heart.

It was exactly what I needed to do.
I have plans to meet WWW later this evening. I am breaking things off with her tonight.


  1. Just checking in on you. Wow, you have really gotten the one, two punch lately. I'm so very sorry to hear about your grandfather. Burying your wife's ashes sounds like a very painful but necessary step in the right direction. As far as www, all I can say is that dating the right person, as you probably know from dating your wife, is fun and easy. If it isn't fun and easy especially in the early days, then it's just not worth your time. - T.

  2. I'm glad you have people to lean on, but you seem like a person who does a lot of inner searching too. Good luck with everything and keep writing, I think it can be the best medicine for the soul.
    The Tuckerbag

  3. Thinking about you, I know you'll get through these toughest of times, sounds like you have good friends around you. Maybe today is not the best time to make decisions re WWW.. Take care.