I went to B.D.’s party last night. It was a bit overwhelming and definitely not the kind of crowd I normally move in. There were fancy haircuts, fancy shoes, and plenty of turned up noses. If I had to guess what most of the attendee’s favorite pastime was, I would guess “making more money”.
B.D. is comfortable in this crowd. I am not. I made the most of it, and tried to be engaging and talkative. Didn’t work out so much. I was pretty darn quiet. Especially when the first question on people’s lips is “what do you do?”.
Hrmm…. What do I do?
And of course my over-active mind didn’t hear the question of “What do you do so you can eat”, but rather, “What do you do to make you, you?”
Great question. Difficult answer.
What is it that I do, that makes me, me? Sure, I do yoga, hike, karaoke, hippie dance church…..but what else? What do I do to nurture my soul? I’ve done more gentle holding of my soul than nurturing the last 3 years. What do I do? I see a shrink every week. I used to see a hospice grief support group twice a month. I go to a young widows and widowers support dinner once a month.
Is that who I am? When my wife was alive, it never seemed to be a question that needed answered. I was Husband, Best Friend, Confidant, Lover. Part of a Team. There was no need to ask “what do you do?”
The question of “Who Am I Now?” is so very difficult for me to answer.
What makes you, you?
One thing that party might have done for you is provide some possible direction, if not answers. If you don't feel comfortable in that circle now....
ReplyDeleteWhat do I do that nurtures me?
I write this blog and have other creative pursuits and I walk with Buddy, my golden, in the woods.
And I communicate with friends, near and far, cyber and otherwise, who are also on this journey called Life, unencumbered by a desire for endless amounts of stuff, or people who would ask me in a roundabout way, What do you do to accumulate more stuff? :)
It sounds like you have a good handle on life right now.
I like this post. What do you do? You do a very well written and thought provoking blog. I don't know who you are really, your blog to me is about the transformation of a man who is hurting but not weak, surviving and becoming strong once again.
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