Wednesday, December 14, 2011

A Pirate Life for me, Spending Loot and Drinking Wine Spodie-Odie

Really? For the time being, Google thinks I am the best search result for “Spending Loot” ??? 

The post that it references is more of a nod towards a great Chicago band The Tossers more than anything else.

Spending Loot?  Top SEO rankings? Hey! Buy my program for $19.99 and I’ll show YOU how to retire early with only 2 hours of work a day!


Yesterday there was another great post by the folks over at The Good Luck Duck . In the post they mentioned finding space for spreading ashes for a loved one.  You would think my own intimate relationship with death and grief would have me thinking warm and loving thoughts towards the nature of the post. My reaction was to laugh. Not out of anything funny (although the Duck Folks quack me up) but rather trying to make it lighter and not such a heavy feeling within myself.   I wanted to post irreverent comments. Things like “Hey, it’s great to get the guy out on the town, my wife has been stuck in a closet for years!” 

I belong to a widow and widowers support group that meets for dinner once a month and sometimes we make jokes that others would be horrified to hear. They would think we were being cold and calloused. We are actually trying to hold ourselves in a normal space, and trying to lift ourselves from the depression of grief. Should I feel guilt that I have kept my wife’s ashes hidden away in a closet for the last 2 years? NO! Should I subject friends and potential new partners in my life to a barrage of pictures and memories of my wife when they enter my house? NO! Should I find whatever way possible for my brain to move forward in accepting that my wife is gone? YES! Does that include making stupid and inappropriate jokes about sensitive subject matter? YES!


  1. I agree. Completely. It sounds like you have a good attitude and a sense of humor is essential in this old world.

  2. When my brother died his ashes went in several different directions. Seems several people wanted a bit of him. Most of them went in to a wall at the Dallas/Ft Worth National Cemetery. Close friends asked if they could have some ashes, and then it became sort of a free for all. My parents thought they might should keep some, as did his wife. Now, I think my parents aren't so sure why they wanted to have some ashes, because they recently asked me if I wanted them. My initial reaction was to say no, but now I am thinking I will take them and next time I am in Colorado, dump them in the mountains. That is where he really wanted to be anyway. I have a good friend that kept her dad in the top shelf of her closet for more than 10 years. It took her that long to get back to his (and her) alma mater to spread them on the baseball field as were his wishes. i guess it is just part of the grief process and all happens in due time.
    I've no doubt that you could help those googlers with spending their loot. :) ~Tricia

  3. I have some of my husbands ashes here at the house and scattered some in Colorado...he wanted that. When I go to Colorado, I always stop by to say "hi". I go there every year... My husband passed in 99 and I still miss him and our life together...but I'm supposed to be in the "now" and not talk about it anymore... :(

  4. Teresa- Thank you- And I draw much inspiration reading your work!

    Tricia- It's wonderful that relatives can process grief so differently, and everyone has space to change.

    turquiusemoon- Trying to "not talk about it anymore" would be quite painful for me. For myself, I have continued to talk about it at free grief support groups through my local hospital, and also many visits to my shrink :)