Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Best. Massage. Ever.With FEET! like as in toes, and heels and arches, and balls of the foot!

Seriously. I’ve had a massage almost continuously every 6-8 weeks for the last 20 years from a multitude of massage therapists. This was the best I’ve ever had. I may need to switch every other massage with this.  I’ve been seeing the same massage therapist for about 6 years, so I’m not willing to switch completely.

Tonight, I’m going to that new (new to me) dance class called Contact Improv. It will be interesting to see if it is as much fun the second time. I bought some lightweight kneepads, (the kind cheerleaders use) to help as I bang around on the hardwood floor.


I’ve written about guilt a few times in past posts. The guilt that my life is moving forward in a really positive way that may not have happened when my wife was alive. Our life was fairly idyllic together. We had no real pressing wants or needs. We were able to float through life with the happy acceptance of everything.

When my wife died, and I had to look closer within myself to keep from going crazy, the guilt started to build. I was expanding myself, opening myself to look deeper. With the unrealistic thought of how horrible I was not to dig deeper and open wider with the relationship with my wife. What did I miss out on with her? What did I deny her of knowing? The guilt that our incredibly beautiful and loving relationship could possibly have been even better. Yes, unrealistic feelings.  We had a wonderful relationship that was extremely fulfilling for both of us. I am thankful and blessed for our lives being intertwined.



  1. Guilt. I get it. And for the same reasons as you unfortunately. (My husband died almost 2 years ago.) If he had survived the cancer I can't help but think how different our relationship would have become after facing death and surviving it.

    But only one of us survived it and I'm determined to somehow make the rest of my life full and enjoyable.

    The death of a partner that you expected to grow old with certainly does bring an examination of ones life.

  2. It seems that to be happy without trying is a rare gift. Trying to make happiness happier is a tricky thing.

    In The Hours a character remembers a time that she thought was the "beginning of happiness," but she realized now, much later, that it was actually happiness. I understood this at a cellular level, and I am reluctant to improve on what feels like happiness to me. Trying to change the quantity of a feeling can easily change the quality of it.

    The Good Luck Duck

  3. Oh my..please don't feel guilty. My dad passed away last Nov..him and mom had been married 61 years...most of it very good. We are encouraging mom to try new things...be happy! We know that is what dad would want and I am sure it would be the same for you. That is how we really honor their memory by living the best life we can.