B.D. came over Friday night and we had some great Sushi for dinner. Walked back to the apartment and didn’t come up for air until Saturday morning, when she left for her Graduate Studies conference. I spent Saturday afternoon with my mentor shopping at the local farmers market/craft booths. A dinner party event that night found me sitting next to the 28-year old hottie ( I need to name her for this blog…. how about H.S. for Hot Stuff ?) and again we had an incredibly good time, with easy laughter and quick banter. A stark contrast with B.D’s seriousness.
Sunday was a fun afternoon birthday party for a new friend and then the dinner group for young widows and widowers in the evening. For the first time in months, there were no newcomers to the dinner group this time around. I chose not to try and “lead” the group as I usually do. It was a challenge for me. I didn’t start off the dinner with introductions like normal, and nobody else suggested we do it. I usually let the normal banter go on until we order drinks and appetizers, and then I start talking about broad grief topics to bring us talking about issues relevant to widows and widowers. I chose to keep relatively quiet throughout the dinner and only participate in conversations that other people bring up. Not so surprisingly, we talked about all kinds of topics, but nothing a normal dinner group wouldn’t bring up. I was watching the two newest members (only their second dinner, and they both sat near me last time) and I could see they weren’t as engaged with the group as last time. The dinner even ended about 30 minutes earlier than normal.There was zero talk that was relevant to the subject of the group. This gave me all the more reason to stop going to these dinners. I have become the catalyst (at least in my eyes) to start the conversations toward the touchy-feely topics of death and widowhood. I am trying to move forward with my life, and having to almost force myself to bring up grief topics that I no longer am feeling naturally seems counterintuitive to my path.
Having dinner with B.D tonight, and there is some potentially exciting news with H.S. for the thanksgiving weekend that I will post about tomorrow.