Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Missing She & Him

Some days are easier than others.

There is absolutely no reason why the darkness settled down on me last night.

Yesterday was a roller coaster in the housing department. There is a Short Sale home I have been looking at for over 8 months that I am in second position for. The banks finally agreed to sell at a set price, and the buyer in first position indicated he no longer wanted it. My realtor pounced and we gathered up the appropriate paperwork and sent it in. At the eleventh hour, the first buyer changed his mind and decided to purchase the property a scant hour before the deadline.  Frustration.

Went home to a freezing cold apartment with drafty 100 year old windows and promptly started popping the circuit breakers when I turned on some space heaters. Apparently every outlet and every light switch is on one line. Wonderful. There is very little water pressure in the house, so the shower just barely gives out enough water to rinse my hair. The bathroom sink U-pipe is almost completely plugged.  I love my new apartment.

But I am able to walk just a few blocks to a wonderfully vibrant street filled with activities. I met some friends for Happy Hour drinks and the bar was sponsoring a “Trivia Night” so we joined in and held our own and came in 4th place.

Maybe it was the two whiskey drinks, but as I walked home the grief started to settle down on me. I crawled into bed and wept. My life used to be so simple and filled with constant joy with tenderness and love.  Now, I don’t see the need to try and heat the apartment just for myself. The blocked drain is fine, it’s only me using it. Heck, even the shower isn’t a big deal since I don’t really need to be that clean for anyone. Why unpack everything? …………….I need to break out of this dip of negative emotion and get myself positive again!

Tonight I will start the final cleaning up the old apartment for an hour or so, and then I should get myself to the Wednesday night Hippie Dance. Push my body and sweat it out.
She & Him are Zooey Deschanel & M. Ward


  1. For what it's worth (and, please, keep the change), when the Dark settles on me, I don't fight it. My Dark is just the garden variety, so I know it will not stay forever. I just give it space and sit with it, and just when I've gotten comfortable with it again, it goes and leaves the Light behind.

    Who knows why it comes? Who knows why it leaves? Meanwhile, maybe you can just honor the feelings.

  2. Dance and run is what I do. Mine is a very temporary dark when it comes though. Thinking of you.