Monday, November 14, 2011

Peace, Love, and Understanding

What a long strange weekend.

I took Friday off work and spent the day moving load after load of items from the old apartment to the new apartment. It felt great. A positive move all around. I even had a session with my shrink in the afternoon. My shrink psychologist and I don’t spend as much time talking about my late wife nowadays. We mostly talk about other stuff. The stuff I’ve been carrying around my entire life. Things I don’t really like about myself.

I find it rather sad that this openness I have towards looking inward to myself has only become possible through the death of my wife.  I have guilty thoughts of not being this communicative and open when my wife was alive. I try to keep those thoughts to a minimum though.

After my shrink session, I had dinner with B.D. at her place.  She is opening up more and laughing frequently. I am really enjoying her company.  I also like that she is insanely busy so it keeps a bit of distance between us.  Things progressed after dinner and I stayed the night. A nice breakfast at a local cafĂ© and I was back to the task of moving belongings. I was still a bit unsure and freaked out about staying over, but seem to be warming up to the idea.

Some friends arrived at 10:00 am to help move all the big stuff. We only needed two trips to move everything. The new apartment has a steep stairwell with a tight 90 degree landing at the top. Everything was able to get squeezed in with minimal damage, but some of the nicer furniture pieces have some pretty ugly markings now. No complaints though, as I can hopefully buff it out. As the great poet Jeff Spicoli once said, “My old man is a television repairman, he's got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it.”
Got a call from my brother on Saturday night. Seems my mother’s new husband is in the hospital again. He is working on the 5th of his 9 lives, so I didn’t head to the hospital. They were taking him out of the emergency room and into ICU.  I have mixed feeling about this guy. He was my father's fishing buddy. Mom decided after 40 years of marriage that this dirt poor guy 20 years her senior and already 2 major hospitalizations into it, that he could provide more that she was currently getting. The guy is no catch. His emotional connectedness to reality is non-existent. He is really strong in his faith, to the point of being overly literal with his particular style of a bible. Hard core conservative values that are completely different than the values my mother instilled in me. My mother has now adopted all of his beliefs and is no longer recognizable as the person that raised me.  The universe provides though… the last time he was in the hospital his nurse was a young black woman.  She was attentive and encouraging and genuinely compassionate towards both him and my mother. On the last day when they discharged him, they both questioned this young black woman to see if she knew the way to Jesus. She politely let them know that she too, was very strong in her faith. She let them know she was Muslim, and a follower of the Islamic religion. So my shrink has plenty of grist for the mill with my relationship with my mother.

I have no qualms with anyone’s personal beliefs, only when those beliefs become bedrock for hatred.  When a religious belief can justify mass killings, directly against a straightforward commandment like “Thou Shalt Not Kill” is it wrong that I question?

Dad, on the other hand, has remarried to a fun and free-spirited hippie mamma and he is actually happier in this new marriage.
(What's So Funny 'Bout) PeaceLove, and Understanding  Elvis Costello & The Attractions


  1. Some interesting thoughts on your post. I may be more on your wavelength and I am sorry your mother has been dragged down. Sometimes women, maybe men too, just get tired and take the easy way out and just agree with everything to keep peace and stay in their own little quiet hell. I did that with my ex for many years. Stay polite and kind to him. Living well is the best revenge.
    Dragonfly at

  2. Thank you, Dragonfly. No matter what, she is still my mom :)