Heading out to the music festival today and I had a spare hour to get there before the gates open. It's a hot day out there and I wanted some free wi-fi but wasn't in the mood to spend any money. I passed by a hospital and realized they had two things I was looking for. Free Wi-Fi and air conditioning. Easy parking, I walked right in, went to the nearest waiting area, and plugged in my laptop to charge my battery and here we are.
I've spent enough time in hospitals that I have surprised myself by being here. I no longer associate hospitals with healing. Since my wife's death, I feel grief, pain and despair when I walk through hospital doors. I went to a grief support group twice a month for two years trying to work through my feelings about her death. This group meets in a hospital.
The weekly Shrink sessions helped also. And then there is the monthly widow/widower dinner group I belong to. That's alot of therapy.
I still occasionally go to the grief support group, and I am down to only two sessions a month with my psychiatrist. The dinner group has become a safe haven as well.
I didn't specifically plan on this blog being an outlet for my thoughts and feelings around my wife's death, but I suppose these blogs will sprout naturally in the direction our thoughts need to go.
Maybe a combination of sitting here in the hospital, on my way to an event I was never able to share with my wife, has given me pause.
I struggle with that.
My life is continuing on, and there are many happy new avenues. But I have a hard time accepting that I can not share this with my wife. My struggle has been to accept that I have a new chapter in my life.
The music festival will be a blast this weekend. A few friends are going after all, we just won't be camping near eachother.