Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Stayin' Alive

Hippie dance church is tonight. Time to sweat out the frustrations of the week, and clear the mind.

What is the ultimate goal of all of this waffling about? I really don’t know.  I have a great job. Live in a great city. The potential for fulfillment is out there, I just need to be motivated to call people and make commitments. Volunteer somewhere.

I’m still feeling the insecurities of the dark days after my wife died. I have great new friends that would love to hang out and have good conversation, I just need to pick up the phone. I realize I am full of contradictions. I am a very social loner. I’m also a lousy planner. A three day weekend is coming up and I haven’t planned anything to do.

I used the word commitment. Is that what I am afraid of? The fear of losing the best part of my life again? Or is it something else? Something that has been buried in me deeper my whole life? Fear of not succeeding? How can that be? I’ve been successful in many things. But I still feel unfulfilled.

Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah. 
Stayin' alive............

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