A comment on a previous post got me thinking of what I’ve shared so far on this blog. It may sound as if I’ve been wallowing in self-pity and despair, but there have also been some profound expansion in my psyche. I admit it has not been an easy road since my wife’s death, and the old cliché of two steps forwards, one step back, easily sums up my life these last few years.
The most amazing realization to me, is how my grief is allowing me to work on parts of myself that have always needed attention, even before I was married. I’ve talked with many older people that had lost Significant Others at a young age, and one of the common experiences I hear is that these people feel they have become better humans beings through the grief process. It’s not that they were glad their S.O. had died, but rather they learned to look deeper into themselves and others. Not so surprisingly, most of these folks have a deep spiritual calmness. These people are my new role models.
I do intend to hold open my heart for growth. I am actively stretching my social uneasiness. Gently allowing myself to open my feelings to new relationships. Opening my awareness of other possible paths.
I also see many young people that are grieving in such a way that it has consumed them. They are bitter, dejected and waiting for time to pass. They keep themselves so closed off from all emotion except the feeling of loss and emptiness. These people are also my new role models. I need them to show me the path I do not want.