Friday, October 14, 2011

Sunday Mornings

I’m afraid of getting too close to anyone. My brain thinks getting closer to someone means moving further away from my late wife. But isn’t that the goal? To move forward and create another chapter? It’s been 3 years this month. Sometimes it feels like three lifetimes have passed since her death, and the next minute it feels like it happened 3 days ago.

I have a weekend planned with the Blind Date woman, and quite frankly, I am sure she is getting weary of waiting for me to make some type of physical advance other than a few light kisses at the end of the night. What is my hesitation? The feeling of cheating on my wife? The heavy weight of the anniversary of her death this month? Do I try to force myself into a physical situation?

I had dated a woman for about 6 months last fall of 2010. That was a physical relationship but emotionally I was not ready. I feel I’m closer now.

The sadness still comes. Not often, and not as intense. A few tears wiped away and a deep breath with some quiet stillness.  The lazy Sunday mornings filled with gentle playfulness and urgent whispers that we shared are now cherished memories.

We didn’t take enough pictures of the two of us together. My wife took lots of pictures of our travels, but there is a larger portion of pictures of just us separately and not nearly enough of her or the two of us together.
I wanted to find a video of Margo’s song titled “Take a Picture”, but this song captures my thoughts as well
Take a Picture Album 1968 – Sunday Mornings  Song- Margo Guryan Artist

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