Three years ago today.

Well-wishers came out in force today, saying wonderful things about my wife. I cherish these friendships, even though they are difficult for me. . I woke up about 3 am today... my wife died in the very early morning three years ago today. I couldn't fall back asleep.

Late yesterday afternoon, my realtor called to tell me the house that I really wanted, but was outbid on may be coming back around to me. Seems the buyer may not be able to close the deal.  I had already agreed to rent an apartment from a friend, so I have put notice in on my current apartment.  If I am able to buy the house, I am hoping my current landlord will let me extend another month or two, and the new potential landlord will not be able to rent out the apartment and not lose out on a month’s rent because of this.  And I really don’t want to move twice.

So if I am able to get the house, I will get a rather substantial mortgage because the interest rates are so low. I will just barely be able to afford the house on my own, with absolutely no change in my standard of living.  My goal is not to live alone though. I would like to move myself into the spacious basement (with private full bath) and have two renters in the main floor bedrooms (sharing a bath). The extra income would go towards either home improvements or extra on the mortgage. At the low interest rate though, I probably won’t make any extra payments.

Am I trying to fill my brain with thoughts today so I don’t start thinking of my wife? YES. Yes, I am trying to divert myself from dwelling on life past today. I am thankful for my past, and thankful for a positive future.