Friday, September 16, 2011

A Man and a Woman, Holding each other tight, with a twist of Lime

 Heading to a beer festival tonight. I don’t like beer. But I like getting out of the house and having fun with friends. 

Yesterday I posted about my activity level tied into my sense of happiness. The more I ponder it, the truer it becomes. The long grieving darkness had me cocooned in my misery for a long time. It was with the help of my Shrink that encouraged me to get out of the house and do something, anything. Just get away from the house with all the physical memories in every corner.

I have heard of widows/widowers getting rid of every single piece of furniture and household item that they shared with their loved one, keeping only pictures and small mementos that can be hidden away in boxes or closets. I felt like I did a lot of that when I moved. I got rid of probably 90% of our household items. Most of the stuff I got rid of didn’t have much emotional attachment to begin with, so the remaining items are heavy with emotions. I include our bed in this group. I sleep on her side of the bed now. I have only been using her favorite sheets for the last 3 years. The mattress pad has stains from …..well ...stains.... The bedframe is a great antique piece we found dirt cheap on the last day of an estate sale during our first few months of marriage.

Trying to move forward, I was dating a woman for 6 months, so we were staying overnight at each other’s homes.  I’ve written about this woman in previous posts,  how she reminded me too much of my wife. When she stayed over, she slept on my wife’s side of the bed. It was such  conflicting emotions of happiness, fear, grief, betrayal, comfort, guilt……Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to have another healthy relationship.

Maybe I need a new bed. Or at least a new mattress pad and some sheets.

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